It's the break of day the sun pierces through the sky filled with fluffy white clouds I stare in amazement the wonders of my Lord I am thankful yet thirsty. I come I drink from HIS cup yet still thirsty I dig I press deeper still I ask what is it Lord as I search the deep dark ugly places of a wicked bleeding Heart. Had I lost Jesus?? I had lost Jesus (so I thought). Oh I studied, I researched the Word of God Daily, I still learned about the things of Jesus, but some how I lost HIM. Was it the busyness of this crazy life? But Lord I say How can I be losing YOU even in all this and in the thick of serving in ministry even still I felt the emptiness the longing even after daily drinking from thy cup. Sure I felt Him, and saw HIM in the midst of life and I even clinged and embraced my King, But NOT consistant I began to grow WEARY and tired I wanted to give up on ministry and I did and even at one point wanting to give up on "CHRISTIANITY." This all TAKEN place in a span of 6 months last year seemed like a lifetime I ache I cry out I hurt but though wrestling this feeling thoughts and pain I look back as I search my heart this morning as I am in this state of FASTING and PRAYER for "LENT" I look back and thank God even in this the pain that was felt the lonliness no other knew of.. no other felt and even still I am THANKFUL for those many dark lonely nights of feeling empty and cold within my soul. It was during this time that God reached down and scooped me up from within darkness and despair and it is when I began to pursue again to embrace the truth of God in my life without the noise the hustle and bustle the busyness I am truly able to embrace my King once again I cry I plead I melt into the arms of my Savior I weap as a child and its OK. I began to live again and each day loving HIM SEEKING HIM. He no longer feels distant and far off but close near and continually before my eyes. I realized then and I realize now I need only ONE THING in this life.. JESUS. This truth affected so much in my life relationships with people my family the body of Christ there is NOTHING that draws us to anyone outside of our love for CHRIST we in and of ourselves are selfish and wicked and when my eyes were not set upon the truth that my only NEED and Desire is that of JESUS Christ and a relationship with HIM then all other relationships failed they lacked substanance life truth. I had a measuring scale I measured my life upon am I doing enough am I serving enough is my marriage perfect enough is my life perfect enough to be used by the Lord. I even began to weigh others yikes No longer does service rule my life no longer the THINGS of life but my relationship with Christ that should be thy only measuring stick any of us measure our lives to. The truth is folks that we can ALL be SPIRITUAL, we can ALL talk the good talk its easy to sound CHRISTIAN, we can all learn all the doctrines and be fundemental in our convictions yet still live IN DARKNESS,
with UTTER EMPTINESS and SPIRITUAL BLINDNESS I was.....My way back has not been easy and is not easy even as I type these very words yet I have made the first step CONFESSION .....I had to confess I was a spiritual MESS and in need of a great cleanse. Through honesty and repentance after being ripped from every comfort I knew (including my church home hence is why we left for 6 long months) I WAS THEN GIVEN EYES TO SEE THE GLORY OF JESUS CHRIST ONCE AGAIN, AND THE VEIL THAT CLOUDED MY HEART WAS REMOVED AND I BREATHED IN A DEEP BREATH. You see I was taught wrong ...our survival and HOPE is NOT based on how much we can do or how well we can obey or how well we serve or even how much we serve our hope is not even in how many scriptures we can or cannot memorize or how much doctrine we know our ONLY SURVIVAL FRIENDS IS IN THE PERSON OF JESUS A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND THESE THINGS OUR GREAT YET WE DONT FIND A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST IN THESE THINGS. IN CHRIST ALONE IS EVERYTHING I NEED EVERYTHING you need. HE ALONE is our ONLY HOPE. As I was awakened to this truth as I was reminded my drained, empty, broken body was filled to overflow once again and I am joyful. But awakening to this joy also awakens pain. I am reminded still of God's wonderful GRACE and mercy He reminds me HIS mercies are NEW EVERY morning THIS IS THE ONLY TRUTH THAT CUTS THROUGH THE PAIN DEEP[ WITHIN ..PRAISE GOD. Though this past year has been the most challenging year of my entire life thus far I am filled with so much gratitude to God for HIS Faithfulness His love His never leaving my side even as I have failed many a times HE FOREVER REMAINS FAITHFUL. I have so much to share from our journey as a FAMILY and the HARDSHIPS faced this last year in time as God allows I will be sharing very openly with the public until Next time I encourage the one who has lost sight, slipped away, or failed, JESUS is waiting to receive you with loving open arms. He is not there to have you recount all you have done He does not ask us why or where did you go just like the Prodigal son found and spoke of in Luke Ch. 15 he WAS NOT ASKED 50 QUESTIONS he was excepted once again with embracing , consolation and joy that is how our Lord receives us as well when we cry out to HIM for help and as we seek Him again. SEEK HIM TODAY and be RESTORED. I gaze upon this today and I have eyes of Faith and lips of thanksgiving I love you Lord Jesus!!!!
Until Next TIME ,
In His Amazing Grace,