Surface relationships: What does that mean and is that the picture of the relationships in our lives? Well as I have been reading and studying on this topic "FRIENDS" for well over a year now a surface friend is really not a friend at all but an acquaintance. Surface friends are people we may like to a point we say hey to them know somewhat about this person however all we know about them is on the exterior level , for example they are married and yes have kids and live here or there but do we know any of the INTERIOR level this is when true intimate relationships happen. Knowing the interior of another is knowing their struggles and weaknesses and not for our benefit but to be curious and take the time to get to know and encourage them to be restored to Christ and to build one another up for HIS kingdom purposes not that of are own.
As I was looking into this more today I came across this scripture:
"A MAN WHO HAS FRIEND'S MUST HIMSELF BE FRIENDLY, BUT THERE IS A FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER." Prov. 18:24
Now I will share the commets again found in my husband's Life Application Study Bible NKJV:
Lonliness is EVERYWHERE- many people feel cut off and alienated from others. Being in a crowd just makes people more aware of their isolation. WE all need friends( my adding of this : God was a relational God and we were created for relationships) who will STICK CLOSE, LISTEN, CARE, AND OFFER HELP WHEN IT IS NEEDED- IN GOOD TIMES AS WELL AS BAD TIMES. IT is better to have ONE such friend than dozens of SUPERFICIAL ACQUAINTANCES. Instead of wishing you can find a true friend , seek to become one YOURSELF. There are people who need our friendship. Ask God to reveal them to you, and then take on the challenge of being a true friend yourself.
The sentence above which says instead of wishing for a true friend you yourself seek to be one,
that has spoke profoundly to me over the last 6 months or so I have for the past 7 or so years been desperate to find one good friend a best friend so to speak. SO many people I know have ALL mentioned whom their "best friends" were and I became jealous/envious and longed to be known as someone's "bestest friend" ever. However I have just discovered in the most profound and convicting way that I was going about it ALL WRONG and for VERY SELFISH reasons indeed.
Let me explain : I have had people in my life ok I am about to get REAL with ya'll even up until this VERY MOMENT in my life whom I have expected to fill a certain hole within my heart and when they of course could not do this I have found myself frustrated with them and even mad,
and in the midst of dwelling in this disappointment of my needs not being met I find that the hole gets bigger and bigger because I have not ALLOWED GOD ALONE TO FILL THIS HOLE WITHIN. i THEN DO NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO TRULY OPEN UP TO THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT PROVIDING WHAT i IN MY FLESH "THINK" THAT THEY SHOULD BE PROVIDING ME. Until I allow God to come in and truly fill EVERY PART OF MY HEART so that I may say: I truly have "surrendered it all" to Jesus then I will not be able to enjoy the blessings of true Godly relationships wow. See I have been seeking a best friend not seeking to be a best friend yet selfishly seeking a friend to call my own best friend that is super selfish. My focus has now changed from self to how may I be a better friend how may I serve another. I believe we ALL need friends we were created by a relational God to be in relationships with others. I BELIEVE IN "best friend's" however not all can be best friends I believe these are few and are the ones in which we are the most intimate with that truly know us externally and internally they know our good points and bad points they are there to listen and care and help in time of need I also believe we can have this with just a friend too however we cant have it with more than a few these types of friendships require work my friends they are like a marriage and we all know A MARRIAGE ONLY WORKS WHEN BOTH parties put in the effort in the marriage this is also needed with our friendships time and effort on BOTH SIDES IS REQUIRED IF WE WANT TRUE FRIENDSHIPS TO EMERGE. I know we are ALL very busy however I also know the importance of having friends with other women, Yes God should be our BEST friends over all and husbands next however I believe God gave us girlfriends so we may relate with each other to help each other along with issues MOST males do not understand. It is a blessing to have someone come along side of us whom has gone through or is going through what we are to help encourage and get one another through it this is a true blessing to have that kind of girlfriend. My focus has changed now to not who can be my friend to meet all my thoughts and desires but to HOW can I bless another with MY friendship to them how can I be a better friend. I encourage each of us to (if we already dont know who they are and if we do thank God for them) pray for God to show you who those gals would be for us to have CLOSE friendships with and then dont wait for them to seek you out but you seek them out to serve and bless them and allow God to do the rest, and for those whom have those friendships already let those friends know how blessed you are for God placing them in your lives for a time such as this and seek to be that persons friend in an even more powerful way and watch God do amazing things. Dont get me wrong it is not bad to have dozens of aquaintances God puts many people in our lives for seasons for them to learn from you or visa vesra and maybe we are to mentor or many other reasons and that is ok however I dont believe we are called to be intimate with all we meet in fact it is truly impossible to put that much time into so many other people and thus is why they say you are TRULY BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FEW FRIENDS" or A HANDFUL OF FRIENDS because again it requires effort and time on both parties part.
May God bless each of us on our journey to be a good friend to those He places in our lives and may we allow the walls to come down and let them in to the most difficult parts of our lives and not just be "SURFACE FRIENDS" something to "ponder" our verse says: there is a friend whom sticks closer than a brother" well brothers know us in and out they know ALL our weaknesses and love us anyway. If a friend sticks closer than a brother than HOW MUCH MORE SHOULD WE KNOW OUR FRIENDS make an effort to know REALLY know your friends today and to let yourself be made truly known to them as well.
Until Next Time,